The Onion Peels Back On The Suns

HANG TIME WEST – The hits have already started for the Suns, the early leader for the worst team in the Western Conference, at least, and the very early target of comedy.

Phoenix just got the Onion treatment, a satirical rip job courtesy of the faux news organization that re-dispenses information it through its own snark-lined prism. “Golden State Warriors Tore Up NBA Summer League, Reports Man Who Has Never Been So Alone,” one headline stated, before the story went on to mock the value some place on offseason games. Another: “Brandon Roy Finally Invests In Home Arthroscopic Surgery Kit.”

Then the Suns got their turn.

“2013-14 NBA Schedule Does Not Bode Well For Phoenix Suns”

NEW YORK – Saying that late October through mid-April looks to be an incredibly tough stretch for them, league experts said Wednesday that the newly released 2013-14 NBA schedule does not bode well for the Phoenix Suns. “The schedule isn’t kind to Phoenix at all – they start off against the Trail Blazers at home, and then there are about 81 games there where they’ll face teams that present some pretty tough matchups for them,” said NBA On ESPN analyst Jalen Rose, also highlighting games against the Heat, Spurs, Thunder, Bulls, Rockets, Clippers, Warriors, Celtics, Cavaliers, Grizzlies, Pelicans, Nets, Knicks, 76ers, Magic, Wizards, Nuggets, Timberwolves, Jazz, Lakers, Kings, Bobcats, Raptors, Hawks, and Mavericks as incredibly difficult games for the Suns. “The schedule gets a little easier during the All-Star break, but after that there isn’t any let-up.” When asked to comment on the schedule, Suns coach Jeff Hornacek said he has circled the team’s 41 away games and 41 home games as contests that could pose significant tests.

Rim shot!

Given the Onion’s profile – 5.1 million followers on Twitter – it’s the Suns sort of making it big, if you can handle the whole tackling-dummy aspect. At least Phoenix has Greg Oden around for cover.


  1. Jsuns says:

    Funny how this is an article about the Phoenix Suns and yet we still talk about the Lakers… LOL This is all in fun anyway because we still have to play those 82 games…..

  2. Dizzle says:

    Why did they leave off the Pistons, Bucks, and Pacers?

  3. underdog says:


  4. matthew mathis says:

    the lakers should trade meeeks,sacre,and blake for shannon brown back.

  5. Kimmy says:

    Suns, Trailblazers, Kings, Utah, Lakers…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  6. Lakers-Warriors-Suns. says:

    No!!! Why… Does it have to be like that?