Barkley Riffs On Michael, Shaq, ‘Manscaping’ And … His Future?

In a convergence of basketball and comedy, humor scripted and improvised, with a dash of late-night raunchiness that went beyond his usual network TV gig, Charles Barkley lit up the stage on a “Conan” appearance Thursday night.

He also lit up a couple of old pals while appearing on the TBS show, produced from Atlanta for a week heading into the Final Four.

In a wide-ranging comic interview by host Conan O’Brien, Barkley talked about:

  • His new-found love of “manscaping,” including his new routine of getting his eyebrows waxed.
  • The impact on various parts of his anatomy from adhering to his “Weight Watchers For Men” endorsement deal.
  • His desire to be an NBA general manager. “Y’know what, I’m gonna be a GM,” the Hall of Famer said.
  • The shelf life of his current gig as Turner Sports studio analyst and all-around basketball raconteur. “I don’t want to outstay my welcome,” Barkley said. “When I took this job I said I was only going to do this for four years. This is 14 years.”
  • A desire to move permanently to America’s West: “I need sunshine. I’m a delicate flower.”

Some of Barkley’s best lines were reserved for his buddies and former rivals Michael Jordan and Shaquille O’Neal. “I love Michael – he hasn’t done a good job [as owner of the Charlotte Bobcats],” Sir Charles said, before going off on a tangent on His Airness’ appearance.

“People tell me he’s good looking,” Barkley said. “First of all, he’s not good-looking. Every man who’s got $500 million is good-looking. … If he was a plumber, people wouldn’t be saying he’s good-looking.”

Barkley teased O’Neal by accusing him of using a body double when filming a lotion commercial in current rotation, and he wondered about the big man’s Buick spots too. “Have you ever seen him get in that car,” he said. “Thank you! … I think that might be a stunt double also.”

Still, the power forward-turned-TV natural saved his best shot for nearly last. He and ESPN college analyst Dick Vitale were mock-announcing an on-stage “Conan” event, “NCAA Weird Dunking Mascots.” As contestants, it featured the likes of BL(Mr.)T, a plush-character sandwich sporting Mr. T‘s “bling” and Mohawk, as well as the Peachtree Plaza Tower With Erectile Dysfunction.

As Morbidly Obese Col. Sanders prepared to propel himself badly off the mini-trampoline, Barkley was respectful and said, “You’re my favorite person in the world.” Then Superman With His Cape Stuck In A Toilet stepped onstage, an actor dressed in the superhero’s costume trailing and grounded by, yes, a whole toilet.

Said Barkley: “Reminds me of Shaq his last couple years.”

24 Comments

  1. Chalice says:

    Charles is to basketball like Don Cherry is to Hockey

  2. Esteban says:

    The NBA is a joke. Carmelo has three good games (good, because 50 points and 1 rebound is NOT a ‘great game’, like it or not) and now he’s the MVP. Are you kidding me? LeBron plays like a God the entire season. He gets injured with 5 games remaining (sarcasm) and now he’s third. Got find another job please.

    • Marwin says:

      I’m glad I’m not the only one that caught that. If he gets it, I’d be super pissed.

    • Galindo says:

      You should probably look up “sarcasm” in the dictionary…

    • 1For1 says:

      Apparently you can’t read. Because if you could, they tell you that its week-by-week updates, and if you aren’t playing for a week, do you really get MVP? It’s obvious to all Lebron is probably gonna get MVP, Carmelo is playing outta his mind this week, when he cools off he goes back to 3rd or 4th.

    • bullsfan0218 says:

      Ya it says on the race to the MVP ladder that the ranking are based on how they’ve been playing recently. And recently Carmelo has been on a scoring tear and his team is sporting a 12 game win streak

  3. JR says:

    Charles doesn’t know what it feels like, he hasn’t experienced it.
    He doesn’t know what it takes….to be a…….WINNER ! Courtesy of MJ.

    MJ & Barkley are cool. They are good friends who trash talk to each other all the time. It’s all in good fun.

  4. Patty says:

    SHAQ IS VERY BITTER TOWARDS A PLAYER ON THE LAKERS. WE ALL KNOW WHO IT IS.

  5. Patty says:

    CHARLEY BARKLEY IS LOOKING FOR MICHAEL JORDAN & SHAQ TO GIVE HIM MONEY AND THEN HE WILL KEEP HIS MOUTH CLOSED.

    WHAT AN IDIOT.

  6. oksana says:

    doncha wish yer boyfren was hot hoT hoTTT like shaq ‘n’ mike!!! . . . , . . . . . ooh OUI

  7. Basketball says:

    Actually a lot of Barkley’s comments are very similar to mine.

  8. W/E says:

    Charles Barkley OWNS BIG TIME, i love this guy he rocks, he is not afraid to say his opinion and he is so funny.

  9. deJavu says:

    its the no-ring for me (cry baby ) once again..hey shaq, michael can i have one of your rings pls pls…what a loser .-barkley

    • aaspectre says:

      oh calm the hell down.. he was on a light night comedy show.. he’s funny, so he’s gonna be funny.. he’s friends with mj and shaq.. nobody worries about him not having a ring, people know he’s an all time great

  10. pietiaG says:

    hey Charles, what is the best team in new york? :)

  11. that is better THAN Charles

  12. really related to the topic I like Shaq and Michael better charles

  13. showbaba Canada says:

    He should leave the studio, go to a country home, with big estate and start his farming career.

  14. Truth says:

    He is drunk again

  15. showbaba Canada says:

    Sir Charles will be a future hall of farmer Commedian.

  16. mee(a)t says:

    “First of all, he’s not good-looking. Every man who’s got $500 million is good-looking. … If he was a plumber, people wouldn’t be saying he’s good-looking.”

    thats pretty much true in a general level…

  17. religiously says:

    Barkley always does this, why is this even news. If he didnt do that i would be shocked

    • Patty says:

      I agree with you. What team would be foolish enough to make Barkley a General Manager?